#KOT CASTE SYSTEM

Humour

Aside | Posted on July 30, 2013 by eugenekaana

Like in ancient civilisation, twitter also has a caste system. How great or how small you are is determined by one single factor, the number of your followers. The numbers affect everything from behaviour to way of living. Lets analyse them.

1. THE STREET CHILDREN (0-100 Followers)
This group is the largest and consists of the lowest forms of twitter life, 95% of them have just joined and still posses the facebook mentality. They are annoying and are always out to impress. They will LOL and LMAO at anything, even a RIP tweet.
They are also serial manual retweeters and will do anything for a S/O and a followback. Main characteristics include:

– they tweet via Write Longer
– they ask for followbacks even from Rihanna
-letters ‘s’ and ‘x’ serve the same purpose to them
– their avis consist mostly of boiled eggs.
– they follow anything that walks
– their tweets are usually inspirational quotes

2. THE REBELS (100-500 Followers)
this is the category where the twitter demon usually comes in and posses people. The confidence in here is stuff of legends, maybe it is the realisation that 100 human beings found them interesting enough to follow, but they are trouble.
It is at this stage where people start experimenting on vices like stealing tweets, photoshopping avis, opening a wordpress account and twitpic-ing nudes. Those in this category are driven by one thing, Gaining More Followers. The main characteristics include:

– heavily edited avis
– regular use of POW and BAM
– fainting when a higher ranking person follows them
– Bios that look like job CVs and Orbituaries
– their Bio’s also contain the #TeamFollowback phrase
– the males in here are good at flattery, they will even compliment a donkey hoof

3. THE DARE DEVILS (500-1000 Followers)
this is the point where the feeling of self-importance sets in. Egos are born and when egos get into the picture the resultant product is usually one, Tweefs. I don’t know if it is raging hormones or the hunger for fame but good Lord! the brats in this class are always spoiling for a fight! just a simple ‘hallo’ and they turn on you with tanks, grenade propellers and uzis. Main characteristics include:

– they all own a subaru driving license
– at least a tweef everyday
– their Bios are a series of threats like ‘Boss/Bitch, mess with me and see hell’
– 75% of avis are cartoons
– tweets sound like they are from Chuck Norris, they sound tough and dangerous
– they can fan a harmless exchange of words into a full blown tweef in seconds
– they heavily rely on the POWs and BAMS from The Rebels during a tweef.

4. THE DEMI-GODS (1000-10000 followers)
the defination of success, this is the category where people behave as though they were created using some special magical clay, they preach, they try senseless wordplays, they struggle to be relevant. Socialites usually start showing themselves here. They will tweef with anything just to be famous, they blog for relevance, and they are ‘fearless’.
Standards are usually set by people in this category, they love arguing on every issue, from who is the greatest rapper alive to how expensive a wallet should be. In one word, they are obnoxious, and they do know ‘english’. Main characteristics are:

– they are typo hunters.
– they create new words like ‘pelanty’, ‘Bryan Munich’, ‘guise’ etc
– their avis are for attention purposes, they are either half naked or are full of people.
– they are the real masters of stunts, from blogs to monologues
– they are experts in virtually every topic, from sex positions to Bible interpretation.
– males with faces that look like overused frying pans act like Trey Songs here, they believe they can bed any girl they want
– it is at this stage that people trim the number of the people they follow so as to maintain a certain ‘respectable’ ratio
– they are obsessed with gaining followers and reaching 100,000 tweets

5. THE GODS (10000 Followers)
they are every person’s dream. They are funny. They are powerful. And they make sure you know it. They breathe their own special oxygen. They literally run twitter, from Trending Topics to late night topics. And when they get pissed the whole world knows.
When they tell you squat you squat, when they tell you strip you strip, when they tell you die, just die for your own safety. Their characteristics include:

– they only respond to mentions from fellow gods
– they only attend popular events like The Mingle, The Circle, B&W, Masaku 7s etc.
– they only follow their fellow gods……and lightskinned people
– they receive, collectively, 100 RTs per day
– they shape opinions, they decide which TV show is funny, what clothes are trendy and who you should have sex with.
– although yet to be confirmed, i have heard that they poop yorghurt and sandwiches
– they appear on every blog every single week
– when they go offline, twitter temporarily stops.
– they cause fainting.

So, where do you fall?.